Singleness and Hospitality
Calling all singles . . .
I’ve got some questions for you! I’m wondering about singleness and hospitality and if I could get your thoughts and feedback about some things:
* Do you feel like you could grow in the area of hospitality? If so, how?
* Is there one thing practically about hospitality that you struggle with (i.e. not having your own home, cooking, an introverted personality, etc.)
* Do you typically extend hospitality mostly to your own peers, or also to married couples, and families. What about Christians vs. non-Christian friends?
Okay married folks, your turn:
* Do you have single friends that excel at extending hospitality to you? If so, what are you impressed with? What do they do practically to bless you and how have you both worked to keep your relationship going, despite being in different seasons?
* If you could go back in time to when you were single, what is the one thing you would tell yourself to do differently about using the time God had given you to be single and cultivating friendships through hospitality?
Thanks, I look forward to your responses!
Dani, I love you for initiating such thoughts…
1) I definitely desire to grow in hospitality. I see it all around me, but I do not know where to begin. Being able to have the girls from Florida stay for the evening before the worship conference brought forth a hunger to open up a house more…
2) with that said, I do not have a “house”. Though the house is open, because I do not like to intrude on other’s lives, I do not cook or invite people over unless the Muellers are away for an extended period of time. I also find my work schedule to be insane and not always open doors to cook for other people, let alone myself.
3) hospitality looks different for me. It normally means going OUT someplace other than welcoming them into my house. I enjoy “practicing” hospitality at other people’s houses. For example, Jason and Elisa are always willing to let me help with dinner or clean- up when I am there. I enjoy interacting with ALL types of people – married, single, Christians and non… I enjoy getting different perspectives from all people.
I will answer from both perspectives:
as a single (it wasn’t that long ago)
1. I always wanted to grow in hospitality.
2. I have a friend who loves to entertain, but I think sometimes she’s just doing it to impress instead of serve. Because of her attempts to entertain, fear of man would set in because I thought I had to do it as well (or better) than her….ridiculous! I didn’t have an accurate perspective! SERVING other NOT trying to IMPRESS.
3. I wish I had been more intentional with hospitality. To me it was just inviting a few singles (or a whole crew) over for game night, movie night, cook-out, etc.
(More later)
What great questions, Danielle. Thanks for asking them. Um, let’s see, it’s been many a year since I was single, but I haven’t forgotten what it was like. The best meals were at Kim Bull’s, who frequently had Paul over for dinner (until he met me, she says!) I loved to cook for Paul then, but didn’t do it much because I didn’t really know how. I appreciated good food and nutritiion from my mom, but she didn’t push cooking on us. I remember the ladies at the chuch I attended while dating Paul. They were always inviting me over for lunch–simple stuff like tuna sandwiches, lunchmeat, and leftovers. They put me at ease and provided an atmosphere for growing in Christ and taught by example the joy of hospitality.
I can’t remember a single person having us (or me) over for lunch, dessert, or dinner. I am not sure why. Certaily a large family is intimidating fo plan for. I love the company of singles, and I hear about their amazing get-togethers with each other. I’d love to be a guest at one of their fancy dress-up affairs where the guys cook!
I remember Jeff Cole bringing tacos when I was on bedrest. He was still singel then. Bless his heart, he thought we lived in Towson. He was working in Abingdon. He went all the way to Towson after work and found out (by calling us, tacos in hand) that we live in Abingdon. He came all the way back, very apologetic. I was really touched. Really, really touched by that. Best tacos I ever had, chock full of love.
This comment is getting to post-like proportion. Sorry! If I had to advise myself again as a single, I would say, “Don’t cram the schedule full of work and school. Enjoy people. Work will always be there; people won’t.” I would not be afraid to order pizza and fix a green salad, and eat on available sofas or chairs. I used to think “dinner” had to be at a table. That’s ideal, but it’s not an ingredient for hospitality.
Maybe more later???
* Do you have single friends that excel at extending hospitality to you? If so, what are you impressed with? What do they do practically to bless you and how have you both worked to keep your relationship going, despite being in different seasons?
One friend just got married – when she was single she always had guest over.
After I got married, we made it a point to remain close friends. We would talk on the phone, etc. She came rushing to the hospital when the boys were born 8 weeks early and was there when they rolled my little preemies into my room after surgery. I’m grateful that we remained close.
Another friend frequently has “get-togethers” and always includes us in the invites. I know it’s hard when “all your friends” get married and you’re single. I appreciate the effort these ladies made to reach out to me even though I was married and now a mom.
Just recently when I had surgery I was extremely blessed by the 2 single woman in my caregroup. Kristin and Emily. They both made my family meals that were delicious btw. Kristin delivered her meal and stayed to visit with me and Mike for awhile. She also delivered Emily’s meal even though she was sick. Wow ! It meant so much to me that these two woman would take the time to do this for us. Way to go girls.
Since I was not saved when I was single I would say I would do everything differently. I would have to agree with Zoanna about taking time to be with people. You never know how long you will have with the people God has in your life.
Danielle, I don’t have time to answers the married questions right now, but will try to later. But, I wanted to post this link to a blog entry Carolyn McCulley did on singles offering hospitality to families. I remember thinking it was interesting at the time:
http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2006/04/hospitality_hot.html
great post! deep question.
my advice? seek counselors. Seek good advice…get good ideas. pray about it, and ask God what he is leading you to do, what direction, and how. Follow that,and he will bless it, even if it deviates exactly from what others do.
PRactice Hospitality. We ALL are commanded to do it. Making people feel welcome and at home and cared about without invading boundaries is an art form.
Blessings.
Kristin always stands out as an incredible model of hospitality. She consistently pursues me and opens her house for girls’ nights (which she graciously allows me to intrude upon). She is faithful to call me, remember special events (my first day of school), send notes and so much more. It’s a two way street, for sure, but she never once faltered on her end. Our friendship only grew during my courtship and engagement.
Honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing about my time during singleness/courtship and engagement. I believe that my friendships grew tremendously during that time because we were so faithful to practice hospitatlity in the Turek household. My dad always loved having our friends over and that never stopped–no matter what the season. I was well prepared for a new season because of my dad’s example and my friends’ willingness to hang out with Mr. T one more evening! It was an open door policy that people felt comfortable to “intrude” upon. I have always loved hospitality and didn’t let a change of season affect how often I practiced it.
* If you could go back in time to when you were single, what is the one thing you would tell yourself to do differently about using the time God had given you to be single and cultivating friendships through hospitality?
I would have opened up my home more. Ted was great at hospitality when he was single — there were always events and gatherings going on at his house, from themed parties to cookouts and Sunday night get togethers. Since we’ve been married he’s really helped me grow in hospitality and now I love it! I wish when I was single that I’d taken the time to extend it more so that I would have realized the joy of it then!
As I’ve been growing in hospitality, I’ve learned the house doesn’t have to be in perfect order. It can be a little messy as long as its not dirty. I think sometimes that puts people more at ease because we can all relate to houses that aren’t perfect. Also the food doesn’t have to be anything necessarily special. We also share our favorites with friends, such as a salad with teriyaka chicken. It’s simple, but people always love it.
I think those two things — thinking the house had to look great and the food had to take a lot of time — kept me from entertaining more. I had the wrong view of hospitality.
Thanks for everyone’s comments! This was really insightful!